The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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