If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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