I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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