I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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