I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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