i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
