Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
