is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
