I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
