she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
