I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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