Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
