I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
