is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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