I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
