in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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