I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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