Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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