I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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