By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
