im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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