glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
