I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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