you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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