Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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