We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
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No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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