Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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