Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
