The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize