you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
