And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
