Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
