I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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