If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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