separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
