I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
