just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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