still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
