I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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