I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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