Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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