You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
