he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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