Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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