dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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