Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
