let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
