All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Randomize
