Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
