her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
third nipple confirmed
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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