...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
