I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
