So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You dont lie about slip and slides
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I will pee on everything he values.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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