Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
