turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize