i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
