i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
