Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
