What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
