Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
