If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
