Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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