Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
