i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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