Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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