also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
