hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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