We won't sleep together?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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