not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
