he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
