think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
