Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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