Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
