Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
