I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
