it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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