So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Randomize
