Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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