She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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