the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
