It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
