Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
