when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
